The Gutsy Girls Guide to Getting Divorced

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So, you guys know for the last couple of weeks I’ve been my own version of “Clark Kent”

Posted on April 30, 2013 by Jonna in Single Girl Crapola

So, you guys know for the last couple of weeks I’ve been my own version of “Clark Kent”…lawyer and legal analyst by day, until the clock strikes six or so, when I duck into a “phone booth” (aka, my office bathroom usually), spin my dress off, and emerge magically wearing spandex and a sports bra. Hands on hips, ponytail trailing behind me, i “fly” (aka drive my Audi) to “Gotham” (also known as Northstar Sports Training) where i fight crime (fat cells) as “Super Treadmill Girl”! …able to suck wind at a really big incline and really fast speed, ten-seconds at a time.

To chronicle my progress, I’ve taken a Day 1 photo, and a mid-way point photo of my abs, because this is a “transformation” process and I don’t wanna miss it, being I’m so close to the action and all. I compared my photos side by side and, well, the “transformation” wasn’t exactly jumping off the page. So I did what any “Super Treadmill Girl” would do, and I sheepishly forced my office manager to look at the pics and tell me what I wanted to hear (under an unspoken but very real threat that her continued employment depended on it). My office manager is the most honest and stand-up person I know, so imagine my SURPRISE when she said, “Um, I do see…is that a shadow or a birthmark? Oh, oh, wait! I do think I see something! Yes, yes, you DEFINITELY have a two-pack! Two-pack abs!”

WHAT? A TWO-pack? Unacceptable.

So I ripped the photos out of her hands and went to a MAN for an HONEST answer (proof that all the blood had obviously rushed from my head). He said he took my pictures and showed them to a cop when he got pulled over AND STILL GOT A TICKET!!! Needless to say, I am mortified, beside myself, mad, upset, whining and let’s not forget, EFFING STARVING! Harrumph. But I still have 8 sessions to go, so never say die, right?

Time to spin my dress off and emerge in spandex and a sports bra…no fat cell is safe tonight, people!!! (Insert stupid Batman fight sounds here)…

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